yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i wish my penis had a tongue
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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