I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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