why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
