# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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