Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
