why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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