i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
