i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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