you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
