So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
