When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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