And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize