I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
