Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
