So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
