My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
