Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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