I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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