I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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