I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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