I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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