i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
