It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
