I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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