I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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