the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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