I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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