careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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