Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
