mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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