But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
