Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
