I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
