Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
