why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
