So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
