My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
