Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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