She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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