mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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