she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
