Moan for me like Helen Keller
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
