That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
