If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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