That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
