Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Even my vagina gasped.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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