Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
