Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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