a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
