Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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