I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
