The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
