it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
