Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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