Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
