Your face is a jimmy john
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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