Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
