did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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