I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He uses pillows to masturbate.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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