As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize