Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
