doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
