My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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