my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
