I didn't shave. On purpose
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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