I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
