You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
