when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
