just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am available for nakedness
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
